Big Feelings Are Like Ocean Waves (And That's Actually Good News)
It happened over...
...a banana.
Not because we didn't have one.
Because I peeled it.
Apparently, that was today's catastrophe.
There were tears.
There was yelling.
There was dramatic collapsing onto the kitchen floor.
And there I was, standing in my kitchen holding a perfectly good banana wondering...
"How did we get here?"
If you're a parent, you've probably had your own version of "The Banana Incident."
Maybe it was the wrong colored cup.
The sock seam.
A broken granola bar.
Someone breathing too loudly.
Or that heartbreaking moment when you cut the sandwich into squares instead of triangles.
Kids are funny.
They're also wonderfully dramatic.
And sometimes their emotions seem to go from zero to one hundred before we've even had a chance to process what happened.
But here's something that's completely changed the way I look at those moments...
Big Feelings Aren't the Problem
For the longest time, I thought my job was to stop the meltdown.
Make it end.
Fix it.
Distract them.
Solve the problem.
Anything to get back to "normal."
But one day I realized...
The feeling wasn't the problem.
The feeling was just... a feeling.
The real lesson wasn't learning how to avoid big emotions.
It was learning what to do when they showed up.
Think Like a Surfer
Imagine taking your child to the beach.
A huge wave comes rolling toward them.
Would you tell them to yell at it?
Would you tell them not to have waves today?
Would you expect the ocean to suddenly become perfectly still?
Of course not.
Because that's what oceans do.
They make waves.
Our emotions are exactly the same.
Sometimes they're tiny little splashes.
Sometimes they're giant crashing waves that knock us over.
But here's the part I always remind my kids...
No wave stays forever.
Not one.
Eventually...
The water settles.
The Best Thing We Can Say Isn't "Calm Down"
Can I confess something?
I used to say...
"You're okay."
A lot.
I meant well.
But if you've ever been really upset and someone told you to calm down...
You know it doesn't magically work.
When kids are in the middle of a giant emotional wave, they're not looking for someone to convince them the wave isn't there.
They're looking for someone willing to stand beside them while they ride it.
Now I say something completely different.
"Looks like this is a really big wave."
And somehow...
That changes everything.
Because suddenly we're talking about the feeling instead of fighting it.
Every Wave Ends
This has become one of my favorite conversations with my kids.
After the tears have stopped...
After everyone has recovered...
I'll ask,
"Remember that giant wave from earlier?"
They'll usually laugh.
Because by then...
It feels so small.
That's the thing about feelings.
When we're in them, they feel enormous.
When they've passed, we remember...
"Oh yeah...
I got through that."
And every time kids experience that, they build a little more confidence for the next wave.
Our Family Has Started Asking One Funny Question
Instead of asking,
"How was your day?"
Sometimes we ask,
"What wave did you ride today?"
A frustration wave?
A nervous wave?
An excited wave?
A silly wave?
A disappointed wave?
It sounds simple...
But kids get it immediately.
They start describing feelings instead of hiding them.
And best of all...
They know every wave eventually reaches the shore.
That's Why I Created the Big Feelings Wave Workbook
The whole idea behind the Big Feelings Wave Workbook is helping kids understand that emotions aren't something to fear.
They're something to understand.
Inside you'll find playful activities where children draw, color, reflect, and explore their emotions through the wave metaphor. They'll discover what their own "waves" feel like, learn calming strategies for when the water gets rough, and realize something incredibly comforting:
The storm never lasts forever.
One of my favorite pages invites kids to picture themselves as surfers—not because they can stop the waves, but because they can learn to ride them. Another helps them notice what happens before, during, and after a big feeling, so they begin to recognize that every emotion has a beginning... and an end.
By the time they finish, they're not just learning about feelings.
They're building confidence that they can handle them.
Maybe We All Need to Think More Like Surfers
Life is always going to bring waves.
For our kids.
And for us.
We can't stop them from coming.
But we can remind our children—and maybe ourselves—that no feeling lasts forever.
The ocean always settles.
The storm clouds always move on.
And after every big wave...
There's another chance to catch your breath before the next adventure begins.
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